mother, may i?

I'm a selfish person. I'm pretty sure I always have been. I know I was as a teenager. (My siblings and parents will wholeheartedly agree with that statement!)
It's incredible how motherhood changes that. As much as I have always wanted success for myself it doesn't begin to compare with the desires for success I have for my girls.
I want them to work hard in school, to love learning, to thrive in their middle school and high school classes thereby guaranteeing acceptance to BYU, to dedicate themselves to their schoolwork within their chosen major, to meet and marry a fabulous return missionary, to marry in the temple, to graduate, to work for a while if they so decide, and ultimately to have beautiful babies and be blissfully happy in their role as a wife and mother.

Yesterday as a friend and I discussed our children, our hopes and dreams for their futures, and our worries about possible scenarios that will sidetrack or even derail their future plans I was struck with the realization, once again, that I am not in charge of their futures. I can provide my girls with a wonderful home life filled with love, faith, education, and possibility. But beyond that, they have their agency. They are in charge of their destinies.

My life didn't necessarily turn out as I thought it would. My entire childhood and adolescense I wanted to be a dentist. I was sure that was the career for me. Imagine my surprise my freshman year at BYU, as a Chem 105 student, upon discovering I hated chemistry. It was not a subject I found remotely interesting. The thought of years and years of chemistry made me woozy. My desire for dentistry quickly faded. That coupled with my falling madly in love with Dust drastically altered my decision to change majors from Zoology/Pre-Dent to Family Life.
By the time I was 21 I'd completed three years at BYU. I'd been married for two and a half years, I was pregnant with Montana, and we were getting ready to move to Destin--2,000 miles from home. I was not going to graduate prior to leaving Provo despite the fact that I took my last finals 9 months pregnant, threatening to either pop or go into labor any minute.

I didn't necessarily stick to my original plans. But do you know what??? I wouldn't change a thing. I have been incredibly blessed! I have an amazing husband who has devoted himself to me wholeheartedly. He never has a cross word for me. Ever! He is incredibly supportive and encouraging. He works hard every day to support our family. He makes me laugh and I absolutely love that about him. I feel like we've hit the motherload with our girls. They've each been the perfect addition to our family. They are sweet, and kind, and good. Like Mary Poppins would say they're "practically perfect in every way"!!!

As important as my girls' education is to me, and I hope to them, I want them to realize the joy of being a wife and mother. I hope they'll love those roles as much as I do. I love being a wife! I love being a mom! No one can replace me in my role as a wife or mother. In an office I am replaceable the second I walk out the door. Not here. Here I am everything. And my family....they're everything to me!