Restless Leg Syndrome--a disorder in which there is an urge or need to move the legs to stop unpleasant sensations.
I'm feeling restless. Not my legs so much as my heart and mind.
The unpleasant sensations I'm experiencing...
For about two months now I've mentally moved myself to various locations. I'm almost certain I'd rather my girls go to Niceville High than Fort Walton Beach High. Both are 25-30 minutes from our house. In an effort to minimize school travel times I have been on the lookout for houses in Niceville.
Do I want to move to and live in Niceville??? I don't know.
This question has caused me to ask another question...
Do I really want to live in Florida?
We have lived in Destin for nearly 14 years. That's 14 years of a distance of nearly 2,000 miles separating us from the rest of our family (other than the Millers, who we cherish).
Yesterday while I was talking to my sister, Katie, I was overwhelmed by the insanity of it all.
Why do we have to live so far apart???
Yes, there is a need to provide for our family members, i.e., careers are important. Yes, there is a need to build up the kingdom of God on the earth. I know the Lord inspired us to move here. Of that I have no doubt. I have relished the time we have spent in Destin. But is it enough? Have we done our part here? Is there work still to do or can we now consider life in a different region altogether?
Why in the world must our families be so scattered? Why must we live in Destin, FL; Newfoundland, Canada; Helena, MT; Yorba Linda, CA; Provo, UT; and Denver, CO? Why can't we all live in the same state or at least the same time zone???
I'm over it!
At the risk of sounding like an ungrateful brat I just wonder what we're doing here, in Destin, grinding it out in these insane economic times. Certainly we should be able to find something comparable salary-wise much closer to family, in the state I will forever consider "home".
The irony of it all is that now hardly anyone is left in Utah. The siblings have scattered and I know it's just a matter of time till Mom & Dad are on a mission and not home at all.
Don't get me wrong, I love Destin! I love the education my girls receive here. Heaven knows the schools here are superior to public schools in Utah. I love our friends and family that are here. The beaches truly can't be beat. The fact of the matter is Dustin loooooves life here. Our girls' entire lives have been spent here. I think they'd be excited to move, but I just don't know.
Am I being selfish? Is it too much to ask my family to relocate because I'm feeling restless? And on the verge of tears/sick in my stomach each time I think about another 5, 10, or 15 years here??
I want to be surrounded by my parents, siblings & their spouses, and my nieces & nephews.
I want to have Sunday dinners at my parents' house. I want to be together for birthday parties, holidays, and football games. I want my parents to be able to cheer on the girls at their meets and games.
I know my girls would be ecstatic if that option became a possibility.
Sigh!
Tomorrow we will meet Mom & Dad in Atlanta for the weekend. Thank heavens! I am so ready for some family time!
My heart just might break when we have to say "goodbye" on Sunday.
Till Christmas...when we're all together again...in Provo...at home.
Jess this post made me teary! I feel the same way, with Donny looking for a job all over the nation. I just want to be near family. I hate it! The thought of being so far. So amen to this post! Love you!
ReplyDeleteOh, I teared up as I read this post! I know the feeling of homesick for family and I can feel your yearning. I also know what you mean about knowing that this is where you were supposed to go. Dan and I felt the same way coming here. There was no doubt we were meant to come here, but that pull for family is ever there and always growing. I hope whatever you guys end up doing that you are happy! Love you and your sweet, sweet family!
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